You may have been called “too sensitive” or “too much” growing up. Partners, friends, family or colleagues may have made you feel like your deep feelings were a burden for them. The reality is that you are simply wired to feel life deeply. The world around you can often be an overwhelming experience! There are sights, sounds, and emotions that others do not perceive in the way that you do. As challenging as it can be, there is magic in your sensitivity; it’s a finely tuned instrument that picks up on subtle cues that others often miss.
There are a few common struggles highly sensitive people who come to therapy with me experience, that we can work through together.
You know what it feels like to be swept away by your emotions—how the smallest trigger can bring up a flood of feelings that can be a challenge to move through. Whether it’s a minor conflict with a friend or an unexpected life change, your emotional world feels deeply and intensely. You can get in your head about how you said that thing that you said, if you hurt their feelings, or came across in a way you hadn’t intended. This leaves you wondering and with multiple attempts at mind-reading until the next similar incident transpires. Nothing is broken here. This simply means you’re in tune with your emotional landscape in a way that many others are not. It also means that you care, deeply.
When you set boundaries, you may feel guilty. Second-guessing yourself can become second nature to you. You may be an over-giver, an over-empathizer—constantly bending and flexing for others, worried about disappointing those around you, and caring deeply about the needs of others. The thought of saying “no” can feel impossible at times, even when it means completely draining your own energy and giving from an empty tank. You may have internalized messages along the way that your needs are less important, and that taking care of yourself is somehow selfish. But the reality is that we each have limited emotional resources, and protecting those resources isn’t about shutting others out, it’s really about honoring yourself. If we want to consistently show up for others, we must first consistently show up for ourselves. For HSPs, boundaries take many forms, and a common one is having the awareness of how “full your tank” is, what and who depletes it and how quickly, and how you can re-energize yourself in a way that works uniquely well for you. Imagine your boundaries not as walls, but as a protective bubble. A space that allows you to breathe, to exist, to be fully and authentically you… without feeling so overwhelmed by the world’s demands.
Without trying, you easily notice how people around you are feeling, and you may feel good when you can be helpful and generous. In your relationships and interactions with others, you may struggle with feeling “too much” (or “not enough”), limiting fully expressing yourself and your needs because of the stories that you tell yourself about yourself. At work, the noise, constant demands, or lack of understanding can leave you feeling exhausted and undervalued. You naturally look out for loved ones, your boss, colleagues, strangers, pets, animals, the planet —and sometimes forget to look out for yourself!
Therapy can help highly sensitive people start to feel better by learning emotional regulation techniques, self-compassion, and strategies to manage when things start to feel a little overstimulating.
Imagine if you had a toolbox of skills to help you process and regulate your emotions, and a little bit more insight into why you do the things you do. That’s one of the goals of therapy! From mindfulness practices to grounding techniques, we can work together on how to manage the intensity of your emotions without feeling like you’re drowning in them. You can develop strategies to calm your inner critic and have a little bit better awareness of what you are thinking about that makes you feel sad, anxious, guilty, ashamed, or whatever else you might be feeling. Emotional regulation is about creating a safe space for your feelings, allowing yourself to feel them without letting them take control over you. This does take ongoing effort and practice, both in and out of therapy, but many of my clients have seen success.
As an HSP, you may have been directly or inadvertently taught that your sensitivity is something that you need to hide, or a problem that you need to overcome. You might wonder if you are good enough, while constantly trying to get things as “right” as possible to prove to yourself that you are. You may sometimes put off tasks because you know your own standard for how it should turn out is unattainable, so why would you attempt to accomplish it if it’s a losing game? The truth is, your sensitivity is a part of you that deserves kindness, gentleness and understanding. You can learn to untangle the critical voice in your head and replace it with a more compassionate one. You can learn to give yourself the validation you need, instead of worrying about seeking it from anywhere else.
You know what it feels like to be flooded with sensory input—whether it’s the hum of fluorescent lights, the noise of a crowded room, the constant tug of obligations and over-commitments, or even just feeling your toes inside your shoes. In time, these stressors build up, leaving you feeling exhausted and overstimulated. You likely feel frazzled if you move from activity to activity without a pause. Therapy offers strategies to help you create your own sense of calm. By identifying your triggers, you can plan to manage overstimulation, whether it’s through regularly scheduled downtime in your days, setting up a calm space, or learning relaxation techniques that work for you.
Imagine readily and intuitively nurturing yourself and feeling complete as you are. Imagine saying what you want and need in your relationships with a deep knowing that you deserve it, and that it is a necessity. You can enjoy your own company and praise yourself internally. You may still enjoy words of affirmation from others, but you don’t need them because they come from within.
You are not alone in this journey, and therapy can help you embrace your sensitivity in a way that works for you. Over time, you’ll find yourself not just surviving, but feeling seen, heard, and deeply understood, by yourself and others. Therapy can help you to get started sculpting your sensitivity into the source of strength you deserve for it to be.
This blog is meant to offer insight and reflection, not medical or psychological advice. It’s no substitute for working with a licensed professional. The strategies mentioned here are general suggestions and may not resonate with everyone. If something doesn’t work for you, please know that this is simply one perspective, informed by my background, training, and experience. Also, any examples provided are purely hypothetical and do not reflect actual people or situations.
